Further Seems Forever
by Sarai Carrasco
Summary: *no vamps**jake and bells are the same age*  Bella and Jacob have a falling out at a young age.  Years later Bella returns to right the wrongs.  Can tey move forward and put the past behind them?


Further Seems Forever

Bella P.O.V.

Running

*****These characters belong to Stephenie Myer. This is an alternate universe setting. No vampires, and Bella and Jacob are the same age. This is a story about the immense devotion and love between Jacob and Bella, stemming from a young age. There are no vampires, and there are no wolves. Just stories. Please review and I hope you enjoy. Thanks so much!*****

Running away to Forks was option one, option two was to grudgingly go on the road with my mom, Renee and her husband, Phil. I had been bounced around and forced to live the life of gypsy for far too long. This wasn't exactly my idea of finishing high school with any chance of teenage normalcy. Besides, I missed my dad, Charlie and so many others back _home _in Forks. I never really wanted to leave there, it wasn't my choice. My mom had an intense hatred for the small rainy town that she tried quite hard to embed the same hatred in me. She didn't have any such luck.

Seeing Charlie for the first time in almost four years brought all of sadness back. Summers spent chasing my friends along the shore of First Beach in La Push. Watching incredible sunsets all while cooking food on sticks over the massive bonfires. Hugging him made it real too, the scent of Old Spice, I could see the walls of my childhood bedroom. I could feel the way the wooden floor felt beneath my heated skin as I sat cross legged across from Jacob playing card games and laughing. Jacob... The reasons of why I'd stopped coming back for vacations filled me with sorrow and longing as I sat on the hard plastic seat of the airport lobby.

"Bella, you Okay kid?" Dad asked me as tears spilled from my eyes.

"Yeah dad, I just wish I hadn't taken so long to get here. I shouldn't have left, I shouldn't have gotten on the plane. Instead I let myself get pulled into mom's mess. I should have been here, some best friend I turned out to be." Turning my body into Charlies comforting embrace was all I could now. I needed to get over this, I had left and I wouldn't be returning to Phoenix any time soon. I had been held captive long enough.

"Hey, I think he forgave you Bella, it was a pretty long time ago, and it really wasn't your fault. I wouldn't put it past him to have already forgot what happened. Come on lets go, it's going to take awhile to get back home, and I bet you're already exhausted." with my back pack in hand, dad stood up, smiled and waited for me to follow suit.

The car ride was long but comforting. I was able to gather my thoughts as we made our way to the small town I loved so much. I decided to go down to La Push tomorrow, and finally put things to rest. Good thing I flew in on a weekend, so I could have most of Saturday and all of Sunday to situate my life and get ready for school on Monday. I had sent my boxes, one at time to my dad's, so when I made a break for it, I could have my stuff waiting for me.

It's funny how little my mom really notices about me, or even comes into my room. It'd been empty for a week, and she didn't notice when I walked out of the sunny living room this morning either. She had been busy with her friends from the neighborhood and she was boasting about how well Phil was doing in the minors. I waved good bye to the giant stucco house in the desert and heat. Walking to the bus stop, I seen Phil was waiting at a stop light. He didn't notice me either, he was looking at the hot young thing walking across the street. Sitting down I put my ear buds in. Where Phil was going on this Saturday morning, at 6am no less, I had no clue, I didn't care, and I was glad to leave the cheating, lying and stealing. I had had enough of the status driven lifestyle my mother had drug me into, she wanted to live life among the beautiful and so did Phil apparently.

At my dad's, it looked pretty much the same and when I stepped into my old room, I was relieved that it still looked the same. Charlie put my back pack down on the bed and quickly left. Upon his return he handed me a large shopping bag.

"What is this dad? You didn't have to get me anything. I sent all my stuff up here already." I sat down opening the bag, and pulled out new clothes. The first garment was a long sleeved shirt, the next was a sweater. "You went through my boxes didn't you?"

"I just didn't want you to die of hypothermia on your first day here. The things you had aren't exactly warm." He patted my shoulder and smiled.

"Thanks dad! Really, I appreciate this so much." I stood up, laying the stack down next to my back pack, and gave him a hug.

"I'm going to get dinner Bells. I'll be back soon. Get situated and make yourself at home." I suspected that his fridge was bare when he made the suggestion, but I kept the idea to myself. He left and I sorted and folded the new clothes he had bought me.

I dumped out the contents of my back pack and put the lap top on the desk next to my old computer. The next thing to be put away was my purse, it went into the closet, I had nothing to worry about here. No one would wait until the early morning hours to sneak into my room to steal money or lie to me about where it had gone. I had a few books also and those I just put on the night stand. Breathing in one last deep breath, I took a look around, and I realized that I did it. The mess of a life I had lived before was gone and I was finally starting a new one, hopefully with all my ducks in a row.

Downstairs in the kitchen I took a peak into the cupboards and the fridge, and as I suspected, they were empty aside from coffee, creamer bread and peanut butter. Such a bachelor pad, I'd have to talk to my dad about this. Shopping was definitely on my list of things to do tomorrow, maybe if things went alright, I could cook dinner for everyone. Pushing the thought away I went to the back door and looked out into the deep darkness. It was nice to see nothing but the trees blowing in the September wind. My pulled up and I went to the front door to help him.

Dinner was great, he had gotten us both dinners from the diner. As a kid we would go there once a week for dinner and it was special to me. We had been a family then, but when I spent my summers here, it was more special. We had great times here together, barbeques and friends over. I had missed this so much, and when the first bite was in my mouth, I felt at home. After cleaning up the kitchen, I went to sit in the living room with my dad.

"What have you got there?" Dad had observed my notebook and pen.

"I'm making a list dad. Of things we need around the house, mainly in the kitchen." He threw his head back and laughed a little.

"Okay, okay, you caught me. I'm a bachelor and I'm a habitual diner eater too. I'm heading out on a fishing trip with Billy tomorrow, so before I go, I'll leave some money for you to get some groceries on the counter." His attention was back on the TV.

"I was actually thinking about making a trip to La Push myself tomorrow. Do you think it'll be alright if I go?" Biting my lip, I waited for my dad to respond.

"Honestly?" He asked.

"Honestly." I answered.

"I think its a great idea. It's been 4 years, he said he liked you, and you liked him. The timing was wrong Bella, that's all. The things that happened afterward, had nothing to do with you. You need to stop blaming yourself. You didn't hurt his parents, all you did was try to spare each other a lot of pain from separation." He sat up in his chair now looking at me.

"Yeah, I know dad, it just sucks, he never even called or anything. I tried, but he never called back." My head hung now, feeling the pang in my heart as I recalled that particular detail.

"He doesn't even know you're back. Billy didn't tell him, we thought you'd want to surprise him. But I'm beat kid. I have to be up pretty early, so I'm off to bed. I love you Bella, I'm real glad you're back." He stood up, walked over to me and kissed my forehead.

"Thanks dad, I love you too. I'm glad I'm back too and Good Night." Listening to my dad's footsteps on the hardwoods upstairs, I allowed my thoughts to wander, to the night that had taken Jacob's and my relationship to another level. The night that ruined our friendship.

Jacob and I were always very close, we shared practically everything. Birthday parties, meals, bathes, we did everything together. I found that as we got older holding hands meant more than just being friends. When I had to leave for yet another school year, it was like being torn in two. I never wanted to hurt my mom or make her think I didn't want to be with her, but she never showed me the same courtesy.

The summer was in full swing, and nearing it's end for me. I was on the beach in La Push, hanging out with Leah and Seth Clearwater. It was supposed to be a girl's day but as it turned out, Seth didn't want to stay at home with his parents. We had laid in the sun while Seth splashed around in the water.

"Bella,you are so pale!" Leah laughed and set her head back down onto the towel. "You stay here practically all summer long and still, peaches and cream..." she laughed again.

"I know! I hate it. I try so hard to tan, but I guess it's just going to be the sun kissed look for me." I laughed too, then settled back into my own towel.

"That's okay, Jacob likes you anyway." Sitting up I took off my sunglasses. Just hearing her say this gave me butterflies in my stomach.

"Shut up! Really though Leah?" The heat was in my cheeks and I knew I was found out.

"Ha! Girl, I knew it!" She just laid there smiling at the sun, then she sat up removing her glasses also. "YES! He so likes! I heard him talking at the convenience store the other day. He was saying how he has liked you for so long." She hung her head. "It's just too bad that you leave this week, maybe a summer romance would've happened for you two." Her face was sad now, and knew she was just as upset about my leaving as I was. I'd been talking to my mom when Leah was over, she heard my mom yelling at me about coming home. She wouldn't be letting me stay for the school year.

"I know, but Renee won't let me stay. I start high school this year and she said there's no other way around it." Tears stung in my eyes, so I had to put my shades back on.

"Well, you're not leaving yet right? In a couple of days. So let's make the most of it. How about a bonfire tonight? Our parents will love it, like an end of summer bash!" Leave it up to Leah to make a bad situation into a good one.

"I think that's an awesome idea. Should we get started?" Leaping to our feet, we collected our things, dried Seth off and headed to the Clearwater house.

Feeling a little better after my steaming hot shower, I settled into my pajamas and the bed. My dad had bought me a new comforter set, so I didn't have to use my one from childhood. I turned off the lights and pulled the covers down. Walking over to the window, I picked up my mp3 player and slid the ear buds into my ears. The night was still as I looked out of the window of my room. The street lights were on and all was silent as I lingered there in the moonlight. The music came pouring out of the tiny speakers in my ear and I felt tired, so turned around to get into bed. Laying down, I recalled the night of the bonfire.

I could feel the wet sand being swept from under my toes as the waves rushed in on the shore. The feeling of regret lingered in the air as I sat alone, crying and not wanting to leave this place. The smell of the food was intoxicating as the blue flames licked at the skins of the hot dogs. The potato salad I helped Sue and Leah make was in a giant bowl on a fold up table and the corn on the cob was in foil on a grill at the outer edge of the fire. It was supposed to be a great night, making the most of my time here in Washington. I was to be leaving for Phoenix in the next two days, and starting school in the heated sunny place where I didn't belong, even being sun kissed. I heard foot steps in the squishy sand, stopping just beside where I sat.

"Hey Bells, great potato salad. I'm just waiting on the hot dogs and corn now. I couldn't resist the salad though." Jacob sat down next me, so close I could feel the heat from his legs against my bare skin. "Why are you out here? Alone I mean?" He nudged me as I looked at him through tears.

"Just thinking, I have to leave in a couple of days. I don't want to, and I... I just don't know Jake." His thumb was rubbing the tears away from my cheeks now and I let my head fall into his open hand.

"I know, I don't want you to go, I talked to Charlie, he said your mom won't let you stay and go to school here. She thinks you'll end up stuck here like she was, that you'll end up like her. That's a crazy way to think about things, I figured she'd be happy, to have you here." His arm was around me now, comforting. He didn't realize the effect the contact had on me, that sitting here like this, I felt like I was home.

"She doesn't want me to waste my life here, in small 'go nowhere' town. She thinks because she hated it here, that I have to also. But I hate Phoenix, the girls, the heat, the stupid girls."

"You said that twice." He laughed and hugged me tighter.

"Yeah, I know. They have tanning bed rituals. They play sports and swim, they're all really tan and fit and graceful. I'm just... Just, well, me. I can't walk across the hall to the bathroom without finding something to maim myself on. Tanning is out of the question, I'm far too pale for that, and sports, lets not even talk about sports. I just don't belong there, I belong..." I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence.

"You belong here, with me Bella." Jake's eyes were boring into mine now, he had turned me in the sand to face him. "I've waited for years for a summer like this one. It was amazing Bella, and letting you leave without telling you how I feel, it'll kill me. I swear it will." Warm hands were on either side of my face now, and the tears dried quickly, as the butterflies filled my empty stomach.

"I know we're only together a few months out of the year, but I've liked you for a long time now Bella. I can't see you off this summer knowing that you didn't at least hear me out. If you would at least give me a chance? Long distance sucks, but I'm always a phone call away. I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here when you come back. Maybe you could convince Renee to let you stay here, live with Charlie. Doesn't even matter when, because I'll be here waiting. Bella, will you be my girlfriend?" Biting his lip, his stare was intense as he waited for me to speak.

"Oh, Jake, I'm leaving in two days, I just don't think it'll work. It's not just the distance, but the time." My tears were rolling down my cheeks again and I looked into his hurt face. "Jacob, look, I want to say yes, I do, so badly..." I was interrupted.

"Then say yes Bella! That's all, there's nothing to it, no thinking you just say, 'Yes Jacob, I want to be with you.' and that's it. It's right and you know we belong together. We always have. Don't just leave me here, like every summer, it kills me. It's like you take a part of me with you to Arizona. I'm not asking you to commit murder, just to love me back!" He was standing now, pulling me up with him.

"I can't, this is so hard, I know its right, I know it is. I might not be back next summer though Jake. It might be a year or two before I am back here. That's why we're doing this." I raised my arm to wave at the bonfire and all the people laughing.

"What? Bella, why?" His face was filled with disappointment.

"Renee met that guy last year, Phil. They got married this summer, and now she won't have the money to send me back up here next summer because she lost her job at the elementary school. She's been subbing but it barely makes the bills, even with Phil's pay check. Charlie can't afford to bring me up here just on his salary either. Now Renee won't let me stay because she paid for a round trip ticket and I have to go back. There's no other option." Crushing myself into his chest now, I felt his breathing quicken, he was angry. I knew it wasn't just at me, but my mom too.

"So that's it, you leave, and I stay, who knows when I'll see you again?" His hot breath was in my hair and I sobbed harder.

"I just want to be able to date you and not have to worry about a dead line for leaving. I'm trying, and its not working. She shuts me down every time, you know?" I was looking into his onyx eyes now, the moonlight reflecting in them.

"Sure, sure, I get it. So Charlie will see you off then?" His body was more rigid than before as his arms fell from around me.

"Uh, yeah, will you be there too?" The distance was obvious now, and it so deeply, having him step away from me like that. I needed him to understand that it wasn't fair to either of us, having to date over the phone for who knows how long.

"I don't know Bella, we'll see. Um, I'm going to go help clean some stuff up, I suddenly lost my appetite." Walking away, Jacob smoothed his hair, then his shirt. I knew I had screwed up, there was no going back now.

I must have fallen asleep because the next hing I knew I was waking up to the sounds of lawn mowers and children laughing. While getting dressed, I went over what I'd say today when or if Jacob answered the door. I tried to think of all the possibilities, I decided to just go with it, let things flow. It was beginning to get difficult to suppress the rest of the memory of the night we had the bonfire. As I entered the kitchen I knew I would have to face it sooner or later. I found the peanut butter and bread again, and made a sandwich. Sitting down at the ancient table to eat, I gave into the final piece of the memory, knowing I would soon be putting salt into some old wounds.

No longer caring about the ocean, the briny air, the moon, or the people who had gathered to eat the food, I stamped over to my shoes near where Jacob had taken to clearing wrappers from food. I grabbed the shoes and tried desperately to put them on without having to sit near anyone. I fell over my foot and landed on a chunk of wood in the sand, tearing the skin on my knee. Still not caring, I got up after having put my other shoe on in the sand.

"Thanks for understanding, and being supportive. I"m so glad you could be my friend Jake. That you understand how hard it is for me right now!"

"Bella, is everything alright? Why are you so upset, you two have a fight?" My dad asked as he walked toward the two of us.

"That's great Bells, just break my heart then blame it on me. You're so welcome, and thank you too, for letting me spill my heart to you and having you tell me it's not good enough Just so you can go be your mom's parent. You can't even stand up to her, tell her you don't want to be her puppet anymore. Not even for me, so we can finally be together. So you can be her scape goat for partying and acting like a slut."

"I what Jake? I parent her? I'm her scape goat? She may be a party animal and all, but I do my best to try to help her out. Married or not, I'm all she's got Jake."

"You're wrong! That's not true Bella! You're all I've got!" His voice cracked, as the tears rolled down his beautiful bronze face. I knew he was right, he had told the truth just now. I was all he had, his sisters were older and they would be leaving soon for college. His parents had each other. Our friends were busy with themselves, dating and going out all the time. It was always just us.

Instead of fighting the reality that had been thrown in my face, I turned and ran down the road, I walked most of the way home until my dad honked for me to get into the car. The next night, as I packed all of my things to leave for the airport early the next morning, my dad was called out on an emergency. He didn't make it back home until it was time to take me to the airport. He told me on the way, that Jacob's parents had been in an accident, that it was devastating. A drunk driver had plowed into the car, killing his mother instantly, and paralyzing his father from the waist down. And here I was, boarding a flight to Arizona, as far away from my friend as I could possibly be. When I got home, I tried to call him, but there was no answer. I tried the Clearwater's, and the Uley's. I even called Quil and Embry. Nothing, not a single return phone call either. I guess that the whole reservation was dealing with the loss of Jake's mom.

Grabbing the money and the list of groceries, I set out for La Push in the truck Charlie had helped me get a couple years ago, when I was supposed to come back, but my mom kept me.

La Push looked the same from what I remembered. I stopped by the convenience store, I seen Quil and his mom. They were glad to see me, and I was glad to see them too. I bought a couple of sodas and went down to the Black's house. Putting the truck in park and cutting the engine, I grabbed the brown paper bag containing the bottles, and headed for the front door. Taking a deep breath, I knocked and waited.

"Hang on just a second, I'm coming." The voice was a husky deep voice, but I knew it all the same. My heart was beating uncontrollably now, and I wanted to leave. I couldn't though, it was too late, and the door swung open, and Jake stepped out.

"Hi Jacob." A shocked look spread across his copper face, and the sight of him nearly took my breath away. He had grown, nearly 6'2" now, broad shoulders, and serious toned muscles to match. His face wasn't sweet and round anymore, it was that of a man. His eyes were still warm though, and black as coal. As he smiled a wide toothy grin at me, I felt my heart skip a beat. Before I knew it I was in his arms and he was swinging me around on the porch.

"Oh man Bells! Its you, its really you!" He put me down and I almost my balance. "I've missed you so much, do you want to come in?" He motioned for me to go inside and I did.

Inside was quite the same, the small living room still had the tiny brown couch placed in front of the television. We sat down facing each other on opposite ends of the couch, I handed him the soda. Taking it, he smiled again, causing me to blush. The heat was unbearable on my cheeks, his large finger brushed across the rose colored skin and I met his gaze.

"I missed you Bella, so much. I'm sorry about that night, about not being understanding." his head hung as he opened the bottle, taking a sip.

"I think I should be the one to be sorry, not you. Things with my mom were getting bad, I'll never be able to take it back. I tried to call when I made it back to Phoenix, I know it wasn't the greatest of times for you. I should have been there for you." Scooting closer to him on the couch, Jacob looked up and smiled a solemn smile.

"We both had a lot going on, and it just wasn't our time together. Our last conversation wasn't exactly the highlight of the summer. I just figured that the time and space was what we needed. You know, if you let something go and it comes back, it was always yours, and if it doesn't it never really was?" His arm was around me now and it felt so good, like I was home at last.

"I spent almost four years trying to live a life I never wanted. Arizona is full of fake people, plastic living. Nothing was real there for me. When I went back, I had to get a job, to save for my permanent move here. I worked every hour I was legally allowed." The word were getting difficult for me to say now, but they had to be said. "I saved up enough a couple of years ago, when Renee said she was in a bad spot. We were going to lose the house and if we didn't pay soon, then we would be living in Phil's car. It was enough to come here, buy a car and still have enough for a college fund. So I gave it to her, and we never lost the house, but she had some new jewelry. I asked about it, and she said the money was for the jewelry. She totally squandered all my money, and when I asked for the money back in payments, she flipped. The house was never in danger, her status was. She told me that nobody wanted me here anyway. That if you never called, when I got here, it'd be the same. I called my dad, and told him what she did, and he helped me start up a checking account and a savings account." Tears welled up in my eyes.

"Bella, you don't..."

"Yeah, I do, I had no one but my dad for the last four years! I need to say these things, have someone else hear them." He nodded, and I continued. "I called here one day and spoke to your dad, I cleared the air with him at least. He helped me get the truck, him and my dad, they paid you to fix it. I wired what little money I was getting to them and they paid you. I never told Renee I was leaving, I didn't say good-bye, or Shove it or anything. I just packed my stuff slowly and sent it box by box to my dad. I left the house with a back pack and an mp3 player Jake. She didn't even notice, she hasn't even contacted my dad or anything. I got here yesterday!" I had to stop for a minute, regain composer. He waited for me, in more ways than one.

"She was going to drag me to Florida, so Phil could get a better position in the minor leagues. He's an ass, he can't play to save his life. She just goes along for the ride so she looks successful. I sound bitter, but I've been suffocated for so long, and I had no one. I couldn't even have friends. It was so surreal there, they only talk to you if you're the exact replica of them. I came as fast as I could, found a way as fast as I could. I needed to be forgiven for not being here for you, for not having been a good friend. You deserve someone so much better than me to be sitting with right now. It's been like hell you know. I need a friend though, I need my Jacob." I was hallow, a scoop had been taken to my insides and it scraped me clean. I couldn't feel what I was telling him as the words began to spill out. Not that I wasn't feeling anything, but that the situation was so ongoing, that I had somehow lost my feelings.

"I didn't know it was like that Bells. I never would've said what I did you that night, man I feel so crappy now, I'm so sorry." he hugged me tight, he kissed my hair as he sat us both back against the couch.

"It's okay, don't be sorry. I tried to keep it to myself, as much as possible. My dad was a saint though, deceiving her just as much as I was. He set everything up for me here. I start school tomorrow at Forks High, and work Tuesday at Newton's. It'll be so much better for me here. I'll finally be living. I'll be free." I leaned into Jacob more, and sighed, like he was relieved I'd decided to be so close to him.

"I never even looked at another girl. It was just never the same without you, I wasn't whole. You really did take my heart with you every time you left Bella. You finally brought it back to me." He looked at me and smiled. "I couldn't breath without you, and I can breath now." sitting us up he turned me to look at him, like did that day at the beach. Our eyes met and I felt it all coming back, the water on my toes, his warm arms around me, the sea air wafting in our faces. The feeling had never left, they lay dormant waiting for this moment. I still knew where I belonged, here in this house with Jacob.

"Jacob, I'm home, I'm finally home. I came to make amends with you, to have a fresh start, but here I am, feeling those butterflies all over again. You did wait for me, and I waited for you." His hands were cupping my face, and as I looked into his ebony eyes, he leaned closer to me.

"That's all I wanted to hear." My eyes shut and all I felt were his soft lips engulfing mine. I allowed myself for the first time, to let everything go, the past, and the pain I'd felt all those years. And I could see it, the future that awaited us. The courtship, the unity of our families, and starting our own. This life here was all I'd wanted, all I'd ever imagined as a little girl, and I finally had it. All in one kiss, and I realized, in that moment, that further doesn't always seem forever.


End file.
